We call this our "Guidelines for Surviving the Criminal Justice System." Submitted by Jeanne Dotts Brykalski (in memory of Carol and Les Dotts, murdered 2/3/95).
- Keep in constant touch with the investigating officer's and the da's office. Make sure they have all your phone numbers at all times, including if you go out of town, move, or change jobs. Emphasize that you want to be kept up to date and informed of everything, no matter how small and inconsequential it may seem to them, it will be important to you. Don't be a pest, but keep in
touch with them on a regular basis. You want them to know that you are watching, in a nice way. ALWAYS BE COURTEOUS AND POLITE no matter how upset you are. In most cases, law enforcement is doing the best they can with what they are allowed to work with by law.
- Use the media, but be VERY VERY careful. Too many reporters will cozy up to you to "get a scoop" not caring that they could jeopardize the investigation and a violent criminal could walk away scott free. Generate a contact at each of your local tv stations and your local paper. It doesn't hurt to call them up every once in awhile to see if they have heard something that you haven't been informed of. DON'T SHARE anything with the reporters that has not been released officially by the police or da's office. It is safe to share your feelings of loss and frustration, but be very careful of what you say. Accused criminals have been know to slap libel suits on victims and their families. It's better to err on the side of caution.
- THERAPY!!! Your family doctor may be able to recommended a psychologist. Also, there may be a grief support group in your area. Do NOT go through this alone. REAL COURAGE is asking for and receiving help, not pushing the people away who are about you. Everyone grieves and mourns in a different way. Don't let anyone belittle your feelings, and in turn, be considerate of theirs.
- DON' T GIVE ANY INFORMATION TO ANYONE that the police, sheriff's department, or district attorney's office share with you. You never know who might accidentally say something to someone, who mentions it to someone else, etc. Even someone you trust, because there will be someone they trust, who trusts someone else, etc. If someone gets ticked off at you because you don't want to or can't discuss it, tell them you are not going to jeopardize the investigation because they won't respect your feelings or position. WALK AWAY. Do not lose your temper or get into an argument with them. It's not worth it.
Also, real friends will not press you for information or tell you what you feel is wrong or inappropriate. Real friends will let you vent, let you cry, let you laugh, and be yourself (when you can be) without passing judgment or making insensitive and ignorant statements. Real friends will ask questions, and understand when you can't or don't want to talk about it.
- It's fairly normal to fantasize about horrible, nasty things happening to the monsters who maimed or murdered someone you love. JUST DON'T ACT ON ANY OF THEM!!! Lowering yourself to their level demeans and dishonors the ones you love.
- Keep your cool, behave with dignity and courtesy, no matter how much it kills you to do so. Don't give a judge or jury any reason to feel sympathy for the monsters who destroyed your family and turned your life upside down by your behavior or attitude. It's may not be fair, but it's reality. You never know what a jury or judge may think, feel, or do, so it's best to play it safe.
- Wear PURPLE and WHITE every time you go to court. Purple represents the fight for crime victims rights. A white rose stands for justice. This can be both emotionally and psychologically beneficial to you. It's a way to stand up for the ones you love, and fight back without being confrontational.
- Get Involved. Be a responsible parent, sibling, neighbor, etc. Live and lead by example. There is a old saying, "If your not a part of the solution, you may be part of the problem."
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